When Trying to Be Nice No Longer Works On the Job

So you have done everything to appease that customer/client/employee/boss and now it is time to make this person see that you are nobody's fool any longer!  Just a minute, before you put your foot down, you do plan on keeping your job right? 

One.  Communicate how you feel in a serious tone.

Joking, smiling, and making flattering statements is not going to make this person who finds you weak consider you strong.  Fix your face!  Let's get serious.  The fun and games are over!

Two.  Express how his or her actions or inactions are affecting not just you, but the organization.

Show proof when you make accusations.  What exactly is he or she doing or not doing that is making you feel the way that you do?  Don't assume that the employee knows already.  Remember some people are mentally slow and don't catch on to hints and forget reminders.

Three.  Change your clothing and your posture for the meeting.

You might schedule to meet with this person on a specified day so that you will have time to go over all that concerns you.  If this is the case, then don't present yourself in the way you typically do with the employee.  Instead, address your concerns from a standing position, if you typically sit behind a desk or reverse.  Wear a bold, dark solid color, rather than a light color with prints.  Your demeanor should be showing this person, "I mean business."

Four.  Spell your concerns out and have them printed on paper.

Even though it might be a little issue or something that others wouldn't make a big deal about, you will want your situation in writing because it may be ongoing without any resolve.  Consult with Human Resources on what your rights are and have them review the contents of your communication. When talking to other's about your situation, you want to make it clear that the employee is just not understanding you or what you want after past attempts to talk to him or her. 

Your goal is to get a solution and fast before this person comes up with something to get the upperhand on you.  Upper management may not want to help because they are too busy for what they might consider petty.  Lower management may not care because this problem worker because he or she isn't affecting his or her department.  Keep in mind, to send a copy of your concern with those who need to know even if they don't want to help or don't think it is anything worth addressing.  Share your printed material you plan to give the employee along with any other communication before your confrontation with him or her.  After the meeting pen the results of your meeting and share with your superiors and then at a later date note the worker's progress.  This way if this person needs to be dismissed, you will have a paper trail.

If you should have to confront someone who you believe might be a liar, deceptive or has been known to get people fired, do let someone know about your experiences, what you plan to do, what you expect from this person, and what you hope will be accomplished if this person doesn't stop or start doing whatever it is that you are expecting.

Be polite, but not "nice" in the sense of being weak or sweet.  Most ikely this person keeps giving you problems, because he or she is taking your "nice" personality for being weak-minded. 

Use your voice to help you articulate your thoughts in a way that makes the worker know he or she has crossed the line.  If necessary, have witnesses.  Sometimes behind closed door confrontations don't do anything more than turn into "He say, She say..." matches.  So if something continues to happen, bring the matter out in the open in such a way that witnesses can see.  Of course, you may be reprimanded by an authority figure or someone might be offended and complain, but when nothing else seems to work, do what you must!  Sometimes public exposure is a very powerful weapon when used appropriately and will cause you to obtain the respect you deserve!

Nicholl McGuire writes and maintains other blogs including: When Mothers Cry and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

10 Signs it Might Be Time to Move On from a Job

Lately work has been something like a bad relationship, you are putting up with foolishness because you just aren't ready to leave.  At times you convince yourself that everything is "Okay" and "Alright" when it isn't.  But why put yourself through all this worry and stress?  Maybe you do need to leave.  However, before you do anything drastic, pay closer attention to the signs and then do something about your woes.

One.  Leadership frequently fails to keep their promises while leaving it up to you to dig them out of their messes.

Two.  You no longer feel that your spiritual faith can sustain you each day you show up at your workplace.

Three. Your boss and co-workers keep finding faults with you even when what you do isn't worth mentioning.

Four.  Your spouse or best friend keep telling you to quit your job because he or she sees how bad it is affecting you personally.

Five.  You find yourself lying about little things just to hide your true feelings about your job.

Six.   The money received from your work is no longer helping you meet financial goals.

Seven.  Hateful feelings concerning your job are festering within you and you are gradually ruining your relationship with others as a result.

Eight.  You are beginning to come to work late and are often taking days off.

Nine.  You worry about getting fired for things you know you shouldn't be doing or saying at work.

Ten.  You no longer like to commute from your home to your job and complain often about how far away you live.

If the majority of these signs describe your situation, it's time to make a serious effort to rid yourself from this emotionally and physically binding job.

To your peace and a sound mind!

Nicholl McGuire blogs periodically on Apartment Leasing Tips blog.

Are you a believer in the workplace?

For those of you who have a faith in the workplace, Nicholl, writer and manager of this blog, has created a new blog Face Your Foe.  Although in it's infancy, this blog and future book is written from a spiritual perspective with tips on facing certain enemies like the liar, pervert, etc. anywhere. 

We know that every smiling face at the workplace doesn't like Christ followers much less are interested in what they have to say.  So do stop on over at Face Your Foe and put some useful information into practice to help you solve your workplace dilemmas.  You do have a fellow believer who cares! 

God talk is always welcome!  Enjoy.

Why Employers Wouldn't be Interested in Certain College Graduates

Why Employers Wouldn't be Interested in Certain College Graduates

Positivity Has Its Place

Being positive is a great attribute to have when it comes to discussing issues at the workplace. When a situation comes up, “looking on the bright side of things” is one of those catch phrases that is intended to encourage someone, but unfortunately for many, they say it to look good before others even when this advice doesn't always work or has little relevance to what is going on at the workplace.

One can be positive and be a fool too. A positive fool is that one who sees there is an ongoing fire at a friend's home. The poor friend is crying about losing everything, and before her tears are dried up, the optimist says something like, “Well, at least you and your family weren't there in the house when the fire started.  Don't worry, you will get your stuff back.” That isn't a very truthful or encouraging statement.  Family photos, keepsakes, and other valuables are lost forever--you can't get them back!There is a time and a place for everything. Being grateful for one's life is a good thing, but a statement like, “Here's a check to help you with your tragedy” sounds far better!
 

Sometimes positive statements are just used for selfish reasons at a workplace setting. Some employees use them to get out of speaking truth and to avoid adding details to a story or personal opinion. A positive phrase can be used as an escape out of a situation someone doesn't want to be in or is fearful of where the conversation might lead. For instance, you are asking someone a question about specific work events and he or she responds with, “All is well.” That doesn't say what anyone did, said, how much was done...it only communicates “no problems.” But then later, one's positive comment becomes more than meets the eye, the worker says, “Oh, that's right I forgot to tell you about...and I didn't do...I got someone else to do that...well, yes there was that issue...it wasn't that bad.”  Really?!
 

Workers will hide behind their positive phrases when they are doing the following: running from a situation that might make them feel uncomfortable, lack confidence in what they are doing, or are worried that what they say might be repeated to others. When one is honest with no worries, confident that things are managed well, and has nothing to hide, why avoid details when asked open-ended questions or why use feel-good phrases just because one doesn't feel like talking about a situation? Maybe you can get a way with such a strategy at home, but at work, different story.

When a leader is looking for open communication with details as to why something has or hasn't occurred, he or she doesn't want a response like, “Well, some people did what was asked, and others didn't, but there were no problems. That's just how things are. But we got things done. We can look at the glass half full or half empty in this situation.” What!? The manager is going to want to know, “Why were some people working and others were not?” The following is another fictional example except this person didn't bother to ask any questions about a challenge before blurting out something about being positive, “Well, people do things we don't like. I mean I didn't hear everything about what happened. I don't even know her personally. But I would like to think she meant nothing by her action. Oh, just try to be positive.” Meanwhile, the person is ignorant of the person and the details, but advises one to be positive. Huh!? It isn't any wonder why some so-called optimists end up overlooked for promotions, job offers, can't keep good relations with staff, etc. They don't know how to express positivity in such a way that will help them and others.  One should avoid saying too much of anything, including advising, when you don't know the facts. Sometimes all a speaker wants is a listening ear. A wise person would listen for the lesson in the conversation that might be beneficial to her or him. In the example, the listener should have been telling his or herself while listening to the concern, “If I ever encounter this person that supposedly gave her a hard time, I will watch what I say” instead of assuming that one's intentions might be positive. If so, why were there issues in the first place?

Never assume anything about anyone's intentions especially when you haven't personally had an encounter with them or don't know them or details.  From parents to CEOs, people have their reasons for why they do or don't do. Better to be quiet than to carelessly say something without doing a thorough investigation on a matter.
 

Positivity has its place. As crazy as it seems, it can also be used as a weapon. If I refuse to say anything negative, even when there are those moments where I need to speak up and tell the truth about a situation, then I could be fueling a fire. Some employees will refuse to help managers because they are more concerned about friendships with co-workers, so when a workplace challenge comes up, they rather stick with a list of nice phrases for everyone involved while ignoring facts and how their actions or in-actions might have contributed negatively to a situation. For example, a nervous contractor responds to a manager's question about a certain worker's frequent tardiness that has been witnessed by others, “I wouldn't say that she is always late...I mean she does stay late too...she's a good worker.” The individual in question just so happens to be a very good friend of the contractor. In another fictional example, a supervisor talks to a worker about not being clear on a directive given to a group of employees and he responds with, “Well, I told them that, I mean I know what you told me to tell them, but I thought it would be better if... besides everything turned out good.” Meanwhile, little does the employee know that the supervisor's paperwork says otherwise and things aren't “good.”
 

We can all go too far with all our flattery, niceties, and optimistic outlook on this person, that issue or that thing. There is always the story that one tells you and the story that goes on behind closed doors. There is the face you see at one's workplace and the one that he or she has away from work and it isn't always “great, wonderful, friendly...”

In closing, consider the following advice when it comes to being positive. 

• For every statement that makes one feel uncomfortable or has a negative tone to it, one should refrain from shooting everything down with positivity so as to protect one's reputation.  Instead, speak truth, don't sugarcoat.  Avoid offering your opinion unless asked.
• Before reaching an assumption that one, who is telling a story must “calm down, be nice, be good, look on the bright side...,” consider the speaker's point of view. 
• Look beyond the scope of your personal experience.
• Ask questions first, save commentary or advice when the person is willing to receive. 
• You can't build a quality relationship with anyone whether at work or at home if you choose to defend someone or something while using an assortment of feel-good statements. We must all keep in mind an old piece of wisdom, “Think, before you speak.”

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and other blogs including one for apartment and home renters.  She is a former property manager, former supervisor, and has held other leadership positions in the past in a variety of industries.