Sunday

Quitting the Job When You're Really Supposed to End a Relationship

Why would any woman or man in a relationship riddled with lies, emotional abuse, and other ugly things want to quit a job?  Wouldn’t he or she need money especially if the relationship is coming to a slow end?  For some heartbroken couples, it is easier for them to cope by creating distractions rather than addressing issues.  Blaming the job causes them to focus on something other than the spouse or partner who really needs to go!

Being in an unsatisfying relationship will make you think that issues you are faced with are really not at home especially when a partner is repeatedly suggesting it is your job that is keeping you stressed.  
Maybe it is the partner’s spending habits, the extracurricular activities he/she or children are involved in that they desire your participation, or the fact a partner simply doesn’t like you working around women and/or men.  Quit enough jobs in a short period of time and you will soon discover that your workplace isn't the problem, but the issues a possibly jealous, argumentative or controlling partner has placed upon you.

Here's why some people do the unthinkable, like suddenly quit a job, while maintaining a miserable relationship:

1.  They have convinced themselves that things will get better in the relationship if they didn’t have to deal with difficult people at work.  Although this might be true in some cases, this may not be an accurate perspective when the partner is the one who is blaming the job and putting you up to quitting it for selfish reasons.

2.  Moving on to a better opportunity while promising a troubled mate how much better life will be is a good excuse not to deal with chronic relationship problems.  You are buying time, because you aren’t ready to call it quits.  If a partner is thinking about leaving, he or she might change his or her mind in order to reap some benefits such as: a new house, monetary gifts, relocation to a desired state, family planning, getting out of debt, etc.—all the things that an increase in income might bring.

3.  A spouse, family member or friend may have advised that it might be in your best interest emotionally and/or legally to take on a job that pays less money and requires less responsibilities.  However, once again, consider how involved others are in choosing your new career path?  Once again, are you avoiding relationship difficulties by distracting yourself with a new job search?

4.  The person assumes that is what a partner might want is to quit the job, because he or she often complained about it. When in all actuality, he or she just can’t manage anymore both job and relationship challenges.

5.  The controlling partner redirects the blame on his or herself for causing certain relationship problems on to your job.  He or she is never at fault.  “Why don’t you look for another job, Honey.  You know how you can be when you come home from work.”  Maybe the one, who will soon be unemployed, simply wants to come home to no one. 

Consider all factors before ending a job especially if it is one that you personally like.  Sure, it has its share of challenges, what job doesn’t?  Your personal life may be hindering you from being a success—don’t let it!

Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of WhatElse Can I Do on the Internet? She also owns and contributes to a blog entitled, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.