One can be positive and be a fool too.
A positive fool is that one who sees there is an ongoing fire at
a friend's home. The poor friend is crying about losing everything, and
before her tears are dried up, the optimist says something like, “Well,
at least you and your family weren't there in the house when the fire started. Don't worry, you will get your stuff back.” That isn't a very truthful or encouraging statement. Family photos, keepsakes, and other valuables are lost forever--you can't get them back!There is a time and a
place for everything. Being grateful for one's life is a good thing,
but a statement like, “Here's a check to help you with your
tragedy” sounds far better!
Sometimes positive statements are just
used for selfish reasons at a workplace setting. Some employees use them to get out of speaking truth
and to avoid adding details to a story or personal opinion. A
positive phrase can be used as an escape out of a situation someone
doesn't want to be in or is fearful of where the conversation might
lead. For instance, you are asking someone a question about specific
work events and he or she responds with, “All is well.”
That doesn't say what anyone did, said, how much was done...it only
communicates “no problems.” But then later, one's positive comment becomes more than meets the
eye, the worker says, “Oh, that's right I forgot to tell you
about...and I didn't do...I got someone else to do that...well, yes
there was that issue...it wasn't that bad.” Really?!
Workers will hide behind their positive
phrases when they are doing the following: running from a situation
that might make them feel uncomfortable, lack confidence in what they
are doing, or are worried that what they say might be repeated to
others. When one is honest with no worries, confident that things
are managed well, and has nothing to hide, why avoid details when
asked open-ended questions or why use feel-good phrases just because
one doesn't feel like talking about a situation? Maybe you can get a
way with such a strategy at home, but at work, different story.
When a leader is looking for open
communication with details as to why something has or hasn't
occurred, he or she doesn't want a response like, “Well, some
people did what was asked, and others didn't, but there were no
problems. That's just how things are. But we got things done. We
can look at the glass half full or half empty in this situation.”
What!? The manager is going to want to know, “Why were some people
working and others were not?” The following is another fictional
example except this person didn't bother to ask any questions about a
challenge before blurting out something about being positive, “Well,
people do things we don't like. I mean I didn't hear everything
about what happened. I don't even know her personally. But I would
like to think she meant nothing by her action. Oh, just try to be
positive.” Meanwhile, the person is ignorant of the person and the
details, but advises one to be positive. Huh!? It isn't any wonder
why some so-called optimists end up overlooked for promotions, job
offers, can't keep good relations with staff, etc. They don't know how to express positivity in such a way
that will help them and others.
One should avoid saying too much of anything, including advising, when
you don't know the facts. Sometimes all a speaker wants is a
listening ear. A wise person would listen for the lesson in the
conversation that might be beneficial to her or him. In the example,
the listener should have been telling his or herself while listening to the concern, “If I ever encounter
this person that supposedly gave her a hard time, I will watch what I
say” instead of assuming that one's intentions might be positive.
If so, why were there issues in the first place?
Never assume anything about anyone's
intentions especially when you haven't personally had an encounter
with them or don't know them or details. From parents to CEOs, people have
their reasons for why they do or don't do. Better to be quiet than
to carelessly say something without doing a thorough investigation on
a matter.
Positivity has its place. As crazy as
it seems, it can also be used as a weapon. If I refuse to say
anything negative, even when there are those moments where I need to
speak up and tell the truth about a situation, then I could be
fueling a fire. Some employees will refuse to help managers because
they are more concerned about friendships with co-workers, so when a
workplace challenge comes up, they rather stick with a list
of nice phrases for everyone involved while ignoring facts and how
their actions or in-actions might have contributed negatively to a
situation. For example, a nervous contractor responds to a manager's
question about a certain worker's frequent tardiness that has been
witnessed by others, “I wouldn't say that she is always late...I
mean she does stay late too...she's a good worker.” The individual
in question just so happens to be a very good friend of the
contractor. In another fictional example, a supervisor talks to a
worker about not being clear on a directive given to a group of
employees and he responds with, “Well, I told them that, I mean I
know what you told me to tell them, but I thought it would be better
if... besides everything turned out good.” Meanwhile, little does
the employee know that the supervisor's paperwork says otherwise and
things aren't “good.”
We can all go too far with all our
flattery, niceties, and optimistic outlook on this person, that issue
or that thing. There is always the story that one tells you and the
story that goes on behind closed doors. There is the face you see at
one's workplace and the one that he or she has away from work and it
isn't always “great, wonderful, friendly...”
In closing, consider the following advice when it comes to being positive.
- For every statement that makes one feel uncomfortable or has a negative tone to it, one should refrain from shooting everything down with positivity so as to protect one's reputation. Instead, speak truth, don't sugarcoat. Avoid offering your opinion unless asked.
- Before reaching an assumption that one, who is telling a story must “calm down, be nice, be good, look on the bright side...,” consider the speaker's point of view.
- Look beyond the scope of your personal experience.
- Ask questions first, save commentary or advice when the person is willing to receive.
- You can't build a quality relationship with anyone whether at work or at home if you choose to defend someone or something while using an assortment of feel-good statements. We must all keep in mind an old piece of wisdom, “Think, before you speak.”
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and other blogs including one for apartment and home renters. She is a former property manager, former supervisor, and has held other leadership positions in the past in a variety of industries.
