Signs of Lying and Getting the Truth

Some of the more obvious signs of lying include different answers when you repeat a question, and hesitation in answering. You also can watch for eye movements that differ from the usual. Be careful with these individual signs, since shifty eyes may be normal for some people, even when telling the truth. Compare eye movements and other behaviors to their known tendencies.

There are other signs of lying you can learn, but perhaps it is more useful to learn how to get the truth out of a person. That's what the rest of the tips below cover.

Motivation
Determine whether the person is more motivated by rewards or fear. You may have to ask about events in her past to determine this. Then tailor your approach accordingly. Suggest or hint at good things that will come from telling the truth, or bad things that will come from lying. You might even do both.

Build Rapport
Suppose you are trying to get some information about your friend - who may have lied to you - from his brother, who you don't know well. The first thing you would want to do is build rapport. If he mentions a movie he liked, you say, "Yeah, I loved that movie." You continue to find things you have in common with him and then start working any relevant questions into the conversation.
Rapport creates trust. Other ways to create rapport include sitting like the person you are talking to, using the same words and expressions he uses, and talking at the same speed. The more he feels that you are just like him, the more likely he is to open up and talk.

Use Subliminal Persuasion
Subliminally reward the subject whenever you know he is telling the truth, and quietly "punish" him when he lies or withholds information. This might be as simple as a compliment and a smile when he tells the truth, and an uncomfortable glare when he lies. If your acting ability is good enough, you might change your whole demeanor in a second according to whether he is cooperating or not.
Of course, you'll have to have a pretty clear idea of when he is lying and when he is telling the truth for this to work. But this will work when done right. Anyone who consistently feels stressed when lying, and relief or pleasure when telling the truth, will unconsciously feel a greater inclination to tell the truth.

Make Assumptions
You can sometimes get a confession by making assumptions about what you think happened. For example, suppose you suspect a friend of saying some nasty things about you. If you ask, he will lie.
Instead, you start with, "I think I know why you said those mean things about me, but if you're my friend you can at least tell me why you said them."

If your friend did say things about you, and is convinced that you know this, he will usually offer some explanation at this point, confirming his guilt. If he hesitates after you say this, he may be weighing his options, indicating that he did say something about you. He now has to decide to lie and risk losing the friendship, or acknowledge what he did. If he is truly innocent, he is likely to immediately say so.

The signs of lying are a good thing to know, then, but it can also help to know the techniques for getting at the truth.

Copyright Steve Gillman.

You Can Conquer Workplace Bullying Without Fighting

Bosses who bully are unpleasant to work for. However, sometimes you can handle the situations they present you with by responding in calm and determined manner. Can you learn to conquer a bully without fighting her? The answer is yes. Try following the steps below to combat workplace bullying.

Your primary objective is to show the bully you are in control of yourself. You're not going to bend to her demands. You need to gain control of the situation and redirect her energy toward an outcome that is positive for you.

In dealing with bosses who bully, first absorb her attack.
· Calm her by speaking in a low but self-confident tone.
· Physically stand your ground. Do not back away. "Own" your space.
· Show her that you understand her immediate problem and what she wants.
· With your voice, tone and body language, show her that you don't take her attack personally.

Second, use the force of the bully's attack to subdue her.
· Ask her to restate her main point.
· Ask for her relevant opinions and suggested solutions.
· Listen actively. Paraphrase her ideas and ask follow-up questions.

Third, give a meaningful response.
· Let her know you want to help her, if possible. Again, stand your ground. Control your voice and tone.
· Summarize the situation and options. Use the same terminology and phrases as the bully.
· Give your conclusions. Tell the bully what you're going to do.

Finally, respond effectively to the bully's objections.
· Restate your own intentions.
· Describe the bully's options again.
· Explain the benefits and problems of each option.
· Ask the bully to make a simple choice.

Even bosses who bully ultimately have a job to do. Your job is to do the work--and the bully knows it. Stand up to the bully; offer her choices that you can live with. She may begin to see you as an ally instead of an impediment.

You have worried, analyzed and suffered long enough from bullying in the workplace - Now it's time to re-claim the confidence and respect you deserve!

Now you can be Bully Free at Work!

Valerie Cade is a workplace bullying expert and author of Bully Free At Work. For more tips, articles, how-to's, and podcasts, visit THE resource to stop workplace bullying

Hate Your Job But Can't Leave? 5 Career Strategies to Survive, Thrive and Become More Marketable

Feeling forced to work in a job you hate is one of the biggest sources of job stress. It is critical to develop a game plan as early as possible. Many people promise themselves to stick it out, but eventually sabotage themselves because they hope they won't have to. Here are 5 strategies to get started.

Strategy #1: Change the way you talk about your job. It's easy to fall into the blame game. It's almost fun to call up a colleague and talk about how horrible your boss is and how you wish you could leave. But these conversations cause a downward spiral into deeper frustration.
Refuse to participate in negative conversations. Change the subject. Say your other phone is ringing. But do it.
When you find yourself feeling frustrated and angry, focus instead on what you want to feel, have and be. Instead of, "Why does he call meetings at the last minute?" say, "I want a work environment where we get at least a day to prepare for important meetings."
Some people find it helpful to create a mantra to recite when your company's name comes up in your thoughts. For instance, one person tried reciting, "Quiet. Respect. Reward." Over time, she was surprised at how calm she felt. She could think more clearly.

Strategy #2: Recognize areas where you can cut back on efforts without risking your job.
One of my acquaintances has a policy for his workplace. "When I get asked to do something that will take time, such as a change in the format of a report, I wait. Sometimes nothing happens. If it's really important, they will ask me a second or even third time."
Obviously this policy won't work everywhere. But you may be contributing to your own frustration by doing work that isn't valued or rewarded.

Strategy #3: Grow your career on company time.
Nearly every organization offers courses, seminars and growth opportunities. When you're feeling frustrated, it's easy to ignore them because you think, "I already have so much to do."
Meanwhile, begin using your free time to join networking groups and develop some free lance opportunities. You gain power as you gain independence.

Strategy #4: Schedule time to turn inward with meditation and silence.
When you're not sure what to do, it's easy to get involved in activity that doesn't carry much meaning. It's also easy to listen to a lot of bad advice. Some well-meaning friends will say, "You'd better hang in there. Good jobs are hard to find." Others, equally well-meaning, will urge you to resign even before you have another job lined up. You lose energy listening to this conflicting advice as you struggle to make your own decisions.

Strategy #5: Find a safe place to express your feelings, ideas and insights.
When you talk to colleagues and anyone who may become a colleague, keep your game face. You might miss out on a hot job lead because you're branded as dissatisfied or unmotivated. Anyway, complaining puts you in a one-down position.

Family and friends can be supportive confidantes if they understand your situation. On the other hand, you can jeopardize close relationships when you ask them to act as sounding boards. Every career coach has clients whose spouses have said, "Haven't you found another job yet? It's been a whole month."

Career coaching can seem expensive but it's a wise investment if you can hang on to your job while protecting your personal relationships and your sanity. Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D., offers consulting services to mid-life, mid-career professionals who want to enjoy the first inning of their second career.

Improve Your Team Culture With Team Building Activities

Team building activities help build a purposeful team culture within your organization. One of the reasons companies have offsite meetings is to not only share and gather information, but also to improve their team culture by giving people "face time". If you're planning an offsite meeting, here are some things to keep in mind.

1. Build camaraderie with interactive sessions. When you have a quarterly or annual meeting it's a great opportunity for your team to get to know each other through interactive team building activities. When we are connected to each other, we participate. When we have trust, we take risks. When we care, we are willing to go the extra mile. Collaboration and creativity start when we begin to know each other as human beings, not just roles or titles. For example, we provided our Build-A-Bike workshop for a client in the New York area last month. Because of the interactive team building activities, the participants said they knew each other better after a half day session than after a year sitting next to each other in cubicles. And when times are uncertain, it's the relationship that matters.

2. Learn to think creatively. In today's economy everybody has to learn to do more with less. What happens when we have limited resources? How do limited resources impact our relationships and integrity? To not only survive, but thrive we need to do things differently to get better results. Going back to the New York team building activity we provided, participants were given a series of creative challenges and problem solving activities. What they realized was just because we've always done it that way, doesn't mean it's the way we should continue to do it. Rather than looking for what's not working - ask what's possible. This releases creativity and attracts those who care and are committed to making it happen.

3. Feel good by giving back. Team building activities that include a philanthropic twist have become increasingly popular in recent years. And with good reason! Service to others has become a strong part of the culture within many companies. Build-A-Bike is by far our most popular workshop because teams build bikes that are then donated to children in the community. Do you remember what it felt like when you got your first car - how it expanded your world? A new bike can change the life of a child, and it's a goose bump moment when you watch them ride it for the first time. Decide if a service mentality is an important part of your culture, and send that message at your next offsite meeting.

So if you want to improve your team culture, start at your next offsite meeting by building camaraderie with interactive sessions, learning to think creatively and be resourceful, and feeling good by giving back in some way. There is no power greater then a group discovering together what it cares about.

Colette Peterson is a speaker and trainer specializing in Team Building in New York City, NY that insert fun and energy into any convention or annual meeting.
( http://www.teambuildingnewyorkny.com/ ) Colette teaches team building events in major cities New York, Boston, Detroit, and Toronto.

Are You a Success Or a Failure? Only You Know For Sure

What is success? What is failure? For each of us, these terms mean something different. One person may obtain worldly financial riches and feel unsuccessful. Another person may easily find love and feel like a failure. Yet another person might be financially poor without a loving partner and manage to feel successful.

Do you know the difference between a successful person and an unsuccessful person? Success results from a mindset, a consistent habit pattern and a way of being. Success in love, in finances, in health and recovery from illness, in business, in athletic or artistic activities, or in any life endeavor requires skills that high level marketers have developed. Inspired by teleseminars offered by top level marketers, I realized that we are all, always, marketing in our lives - in love, in business and in everything else. Some of us succeed. Other fail. What is the difference? What does it take to succeed?

For me, the deeper secret about success and failure is that those who are successful do what works. They are not attached to the results. They give and share, what they have and know, freely without holding back and without expecting something in return. They listen to the needs of the other person (customer, lover, friend, acquaintance, boss, employee, family member, organization, etc.). They discover the other person's perspective and find a way to offer what the other person perceives as valuable. They learn about the other person's pain, what is giving them anxiety and causing them to suffer, and they find a way to teach and encourage and convince the other person that they have what it takes to meet that person's needs and make their pain go away.

The unsuccessful person, on the other hand, does what he or she thinks "should" work and continues to do it without testing, or perhaps just gives up when it doesn't work easily. They do not take the time or make the effort to listen to what the other person claims they need. The unsuccessful person offers what he or she "thinks" the other person "should" need or want. The unsuccessful person feels entitled to receive (money, love, sex, happiness, recognition, respect, etc.) and is attached to receiving what they feel entitled to (becoming emotionally upset when not received). The unsuccessful person "expects" the other person to just "know" how valuable (wonderful, loving, important, expensive, worthy of being loved) they or their products are without finding out what is perceived as valuable to the other person.

The unsuccessful person has no idea what causes the other person to suffer, to feel pain and anxiety, but attempts to persuade the other person to want and desire what he or she is offering.

The successful person is a value creator, helping others to feel seen, heard, acknowledged, appreciated and helped. The unsuccessful person communicates from a place of self-interest, self-importance, self-concern.

Are you creating value for yourself and for others, right now? Does your daily interest focus on self-concern or greater concern for others? Do you feel successful or unsuccessful at this point in your life? And, do you have plans set in place for your own future success?

Dr. Erica Goodstone, a Healing Through Love Mentor, has helped thousands of men, women, couples, and groups to develop greater awareness of the issues in their relationships and their lives, to overcome and alleviate stressors and discords, and to revitalize their relationships and their own mind-body-spirit connection. Dr. Goodstone can be contacted through her web site at http://www.DrEricaWellness.com and you can take the Create Healing and Love Now Personal quiz and get your free personal report and bonus gifts at http://www.createhealingandlovenow.com.